A Mental Staycation/ A Tangled Tapestry We Weave

I knew that I was in trouble when Jon took note of the fact that I hadn’t updated my blog. In days. I think he said, exactly, “Whoa! You haven’t updated your blog in like 11 days! What’s going on?

It was a question I’d asked myself many times over the last few weeks.

A question I’ve asked before when this same thing happened. Or rather something similar.

Here’s the thing: when I become stressed out, I don’t tighten up, like a metal coil. I do the exact opposite.

I let go.

Let’s call it–my life & all its components–a tapestry. (An extended metaphor on a Monday?! I know. Stick with me, though.)

Yeah, a tapestry. A multicolored, transmutating tapestry, interwoven and sewn together with golden thread (golden, because shiny appeals to me–it’s my metaphor).

So, when I begin to feel pressure, I start to pick at that golden thread. Just little nitpicks at first, a little loosening.

It starts gently…a tiny tug with the nails. Bur it grows more insistent as I grow more stressed (almost all self-inflicted–perhaps self-induced?). And then there’s teeth and tearing and ripping. To undo everything that is weighing on me–that I might attribute to pressure.

Until the only thing that’s left is the bare minimum of what I have to do to get by in work and grad school. Patches. Huge patches of my life that I keep together with what little thread I salvaged after the rampage.

And I know how terrible that sounds. What an underachiever. But it’s a part of me, like everything else. I have to stop ignoring it and address it instead.

What makes it worse this particular time, however, is the week off I had. Combined with my “let go and Let God” theory, I sank into the simple, every day pleasures that
make it even easier to not do…well, anything.

I slept in every day. Had breakfast in bed. A lot. I took naps. Played video games. I stayed up late. I went out to eat and saw a couple of movies. I got a pedicure.

And then I finally did some reciprocal reading. I read a few beta pieces. I wrote some short fiction.

And then (this is the important part) I got over my laziness and got back to work.

But it was a fun (if not detrimental) mental (and literal) staycation. But now it’s time to untangle my life tapestry.

Got any lurking bad habits/cycles like that? :)

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