A Closer Look

wewriwa_square_4I’m trying to get into the habit of being a weekly participant at Weekend Writing Warrior. I’ve managed a second week! Yay!

Weekend Writing Warrior recap:

  • Sign up on the site.
  • Post 8 sentences of your writing, published or unpublished, to go live after 12:00 noon on Saturday 03/02/13 (should be live at 9AM, however).
  • Then visit other participants on the list and read, critique, and comment on their 8 sentence posts.
  • Spread the word! Twitter hashtag #8sunday.
  • More detailed rules here.

I’m sharing snippets from a wip called The First Nation. Last week we got our first look at the Nation. Now, for a closer look:

Jagged rocks stabbing up into the sky as if to somehow to force the desperately desired rain free; the glitter of hundreds of lights and windows stuck indiscriminately amongst the crags and crannies of the mountain; the fire pillars shooting into the sky as they burn the gases churning deep beneath the mountain; and too far out to be anything but a blurry splotch: the mountain walls that surround all of the Nation.

No, it wasn’t anything to look at—about as impressive as the faceless walls around me, walls that shivered with the growing echoes of the Harvesters climbing beneath me. I craned my neck to look up into the sky out the break in the wall. Soft, infrequent splotches of water fell against the black rocks, leaving wet smears. I stuck my hand out, having to push it through the small opening, and wiggled my fingers until a drop hit them.

Alright, that’s 8! Now, get on over to the Weekend Writing Warriors and check out some other great 8s. :)

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16 thoughts on “A Closer Look

    1. I am. And of course you can. It’s just coming along very slowly. I’ve only added a couple thousand words since you’ve last read. When I’ve got a substantial chunk, you know you’re the first person who will see it!

      And thank you. I’m glad you love it, because I’m struggling to. :)

  1. siobhanmuir says:

    I like this, but you might want to make the first paragraph more active in the narrator’s perspective. For example “I counted the glitter or hundred’s of lights…” and “I tried to ignore the fire pillars shooting into the sky as they burned the gasses” This brings us more into the desperation of it. I loved the last paragraph and reaching for the water. :)

    1. I think that’s exactly what that paragraph needs, Siobhan. I always slip into passive voice when active would be so much more effective. This is why I love when you stop by. Thank you! <3

    1. She’s not as close as we’d like to think. No one leaves the Nation, Cindy. Well, no one that anyone knows of. :) I’m glad to hear you’re good and caught. Looking forward to seeing what you think next week!

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