Something for me

wewriwa_square_4I’m trying to get into the habit of being a weekly participant at Weekend Writing Warrior. This makes three weeks, I think. Chugging along!

Weekend Writing Warrior recap:

  • Sign up on the site.
  • Post 8 sentences of your writing, published or unpublished, to go live after 12:00 noon on Saturday 03/02/13 (should be live at 9AM, however).
  • Then visit other participants on the list and read, critique, and comment on their 8 sentence posts.
  • Spread the word! Twitter hashtag #8sunday.
  • More detailed rules here.

I’m sharing snippets from a wip called The First Nation. Last time I checked in with the Weekend Warriors, we saw a coveted drop of rain disappear on Raveena’s finger. Today we’re following up those 8 sentences.

I dug my fingers into crags that had long been worn out by earlier Harvesters and took another look up into the sky. The drops were multiplying, splitting into smaller bodies and speeding faster and faster as they fell. By dusk, we’d have rain and I’d enjoy it then, with everyone else. Sometimes, though…I wanted something for me. Just me.

“Slow today, Raveena?” a dark face laughed. I twisted about, pushing against the wall gently to swing away from the hole I’d been coveting. It was Abbas.

That’s my 8! Now, get on over to the Weekend Writing Warriors and check out some other great 8s. :)

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20 thoughts on “Something for me

    1. She is. And we’re still working it out. It’s definitely going to get worse before it gets better. And I’ll need you to tell me if I’ve gone too far. :D Thanks, Sarah.

  1. That sounds like her boss lol So does the rain fall in the cave.. through an opening… my brain is so blotto maybe I’m totally off course. Looking forward to see where this goes

    1. It could be the split up snippets, but that’s something I should take a look at it, so I’m glad you pointed it out. She was sticking her hand through a hole. It’s raining outside of the cave she’s in. And Abbas isn’t her boss. But he is kind of like a mentor. :)

  2. historysleuth1 says:

    Are they harvesting rock and she sees the outside or are they trying to get out? Or do they just think about it but don’t? Do they do it to let the rain in? I can tell this hole is very important to her that she wants to keep it to herself.

    1. She (and her coworkers) are in a cave (which sits in a small mountain range that no one has been outside of in hundreds of years). They’re harvesting the rock inside these caves, and she’s found a hole clear through to the outside. And it’s starting to rain.

      I appreciate all the questions. It helps me out. :) Keep ’em coming.

  3. siobhanmuir says:

    Good snippet, Jalisa. One thing: How could she see “a dark face laugh” when she had to turn to realize who it was? Perhaps describe the sound of the voice to make her turn and change the last sentence to “Abbas’s dark face leered at me from the shadows” to both introduce him and confirm her surprise. I still really like the desperation to find the water. :)

    1. I like that.

      Like, “I dug my fingers into crags that had long been worn out by earlier Harvesters and took another look up into the sky. The drops were multiplying, splitting into smaller bodies and speeding faster and faster as they fell. By dusk, we’d have rain and I’d enjoy it then, with everyone else. Sometimes, though…I wanted something for me. Just me.

      “Slow today, Raveena?” a rumbling voice laughed. I twisted about, pushing against the wall gently to swing away from the hole I’d been coveting. Abbas’s dark face floated in the shadows.”

      As usual, thanks, Siobhan. You’re always great with constructive criticism.

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