Striving for the nation

wewriwa_square_4I’m trying to get into the habit of being a weekly participant at Weekend Writing Warrior. Chugging along alright, getting some steam!

Weekend Writing Warrior recap:

  • Sign up on the site.
  • Post 8 sentences of your writing, published or unpublished, to go live after 12:00 noon
  • Then visit other participants on the list and read, critique, and comment on their 8 sentence posts.
  • Spread the word! Twitter hashtag #8sunday.
  • More detailed rules here.

I’m sharing snippets from a wip called The First Nation. Last time I checked in with the Weekend Warriors, Raveena (our mc) gave us a look at the second part of her job–reporting. Basically, turning in what you’ve harvested for the day. You must meet quota, though. Or a note goes into your file. Raveena is waiting in line behind a guy taking to long. Now, she’s listening in on the conversation. He’s reported his weight for the day, and where we start is with The Reporter speaking in response to his day’s weight.

*

“That’s not really,” she took a breath. “Striving for the Nation.”

“I beat the quota,” he almost yelled. The Reporter stared at him, then shook her head slowly and jabbed at the keyboard. I saw his shoulders bunch. One of his hands uncurled and I grabbed the back of his shirt before I knew what I was doing. He turned on me in all of his rage, his hand raised. He was more than a foot taller than me, face black with dirt, eyes too wide.

*

That’s my 8! Now, get on over to the Weekend Writing Warriors and check out some other great 8s. :)

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22 thoughts on “Striving for the nation

  1. wonder what the problem is if he’s telling the truth and met his quota…. and why pick on her? and yeah why is she getting involved with the crazy man? (nuff questions for you? lol)

    1. Lol. I love questions! I like to hear myself talk/write. He met the quota, but the expectation is that you always surpass it a lot. Nearly doubling. I figure the people who barely surpass it, or just meet it probably seem less dedicated to the Nation. He’s not picking on her. He’s just flipping out. Too much stress. Last straw. And she’s not even really sure why she helped. It just seemed tragic that the man might get a job ending note in his file and just for losing his temper.

  2. This is the first time Raveena steps out of line (slighty) for someone other than her family, right? I saw it as a sign she wasn’t happy going along with the status quo, either—and that she would make a good leader.

  3. Fascinating setup (first visit, new to your story) – the role of a Reporter, having to report your weight, not accepting his report even though he ‘beat the quota.’ I’m getting a sort of Hunger Games dystopia feel for this. Am I way off? Intriguing, can’t wait to read more!

    1. Nothing more than a way to get his attention, though it out of the ordinary for anyone to stick out their necks. Blurb (and making this up as I go, as it’s barely halfway done and I haven’t written a blurb): Raveena has always been a good daughter of the First Nation. She followed in her father’s footsteps and became a Harvester, the honorable, but overworked miners of the Nation’a fuel. She went into the workforce early. She was obedient. Until her father got sick and the Nation would do nothing for him. When she had nowhere else to turn, she found the only person who could help was the last person she should trust: a prince of the Nation, far above her in status with no reason to help her. But when she starts to break rules, she finds she can’t stop. And won’t until she’s brought the whole Nation down around her.

      Something like that. Lol.

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